


Kiss My Grits, An Xmas Tale

by Noir_Dix



Series: à la carte [3]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: An Xmas surprise, Basil has a minor meltdown, Dick cozies, F/M, Fancy Panties, Gen, MINOR vampire encounter, No smut (I'm sorry!), Other, SO. MUCH. DIALOGUE., Terzo tart, fuck chair controversy, grits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21924547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: SEND HELP
Relationships: Cardi C/Dix
Series: à la carte [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383064
Comments: 27
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Dix sat, in the middle of the middle pew, on the left side of the sanctuary. There were sisters _everywhere_ , decorating for Yule. The ghouls kept passing through. They had raided the edge of the churchyard, earlier. Dix had a little paper produce bin, with several sprigs of mistletoe, next to her. The ghoulettes had been rather delighted with their finds.

She'd been fiddling with her phone, just killing time, while Basil had his usual tea with his mother. She sighed, & put the thing on standby, spying a slim shade at the end of the pew.

She half-expected him to have a collection plate. He looked around, before finally removing his biretta. She had no money. She dropped her phone, in its cigarette-style pouch, into his hat.

He frowned.

"What am I supposed to do with _that_?"

She shrugged.

"How's Evangeline?"

He smirked, sitting next to her.

"Not _your_ _mother_?"

"She's just so... different, since the accident."

"In more ways than one." he agreed. "Don't you believe it."

"Of course not."

"Hm." he nuzzled the curve of her neck, like an old tom-cat. "I talked to a seester-"

"Do I know her?"

"Maybe."

She gave him a look.

"Okay, fine. Yes. Yes, you know her."

She waited.

"She told me about our wonderful chair-"

"The fuck chair?"

"Sììì."

It _was_ a wonderful chair; more of a chaise, really. It had a place of honor, since he'd taken over this latest suite... 

It was used regularly. Terzo still griped to her about it.

"So, what did you talk with Dawna about?"

He actually _blushed_ a little.

"Well, it wasn't just seester Dawna-"

"Another sister, as well?"

He nodded. He was acting like she'd asked him to show where he'd been touched on his Copia plushie.

"Dark hair?"

"She has dark hair, yes."

It must have been Katy. Dawna & Katy. Satan preserve her.

"Go on."

"Well, the seestors-" his accent was getting worse, "Some of them, apparently, sew things... you know, with the thread?"

She tried her very best not to laugh. He could be so cute, when his words started failing him.

"Mmm-hmm."

He was also miming sewing, with a needle & thread.

"And, some others-" he was lost, gesturing weirdly. "Sweaters?"

"I think you mean knitting?"

"YES. Yes!" he pointed. "Knitting. With the-"

"Yarn?"

He nodded emphatically.

Good grief.

Something slid into the space on the other side of her. Something pale. Something small. It wore a red & green Santa hat.

"Hey, mama-"

"Mary, keep your lips to yourself."

He pouted. He very nearly looked like a normal human being.

It was quite alarming.

"Am I still in trouble?"

She didn't answer.

Basil put his head on her shoulder.

"They're starting a project-"

She leaned back, rolling her eyes.

"I'll bet I can guess what it is."

He batted his eyes innocently.

"Oh, shit." Mary muttered, shaking his head.

"No, Basil. Just, no."

"You don't even know-" he huffed.

"Oh, but I do." she leveled a withering look on him. "Dick cozies."

Mary snorted audibly.

"Cock socks. They want you for a mannequin, correct?"

"Fuck." Mary couldn't stand it. "They should just use a Japanese eggplant."

"Right? Or a zucchini-"

"They could use it afterwards, in a nice pasta casserole."

Basil was not amused.

"It is the holidays. I thought some of the sisters might be sad & blue-"

"Your cock is not the reason for the season."

Mary was singing "Blue Christmas".

Now, Basil pouted; always epic, with his full lips.

What Dix didn't reveal, that she _had_ caught... was, he told her.

He hadn't just stripped down & paraded around in vulgar arousal, again.

He was still learning.

After a fashion.


	2. Chapter 2

"If you do, so help me-" she went on, but, lacked any real conviction, "I'll have Mary bury you in the deepest, darkest corner of the churchyard."

"Ooh, goody!" Mary caught her ruse. "Why a box of weeds, Dix?"

"Weed?" Basil's curiosity was piqued. "Why, that's not weed... it's mistletoe. You know what they say about mistletoe-"

"Your tree's dead." she informed him.

"What? My- How dare you? My tree is fine."

Her mouth twitched.

"Do you want me to dash the poor sisters' fondest hopes & dreams?"

"I-" he looked down at his shoes, "I, umm..."

Mary put a sprig of the mistletoe in his hatband.

"He _wants_ one, the old pervert."

Yeah, she'd figured as much.

"With bedazzlements." he piped up.

He'd put entirely too much thought into this.

"They stretch, so, there'd go your rhinestones." she laughed. "Maybe I could ask for a tassel."

"Ohh, yes. For when I do the thing-"

"The Year Zero thing."

He chuckled, leaning to kiss between her cheekbone & ear.

"Ugh." Mary made a face. "You actually, seriously, do that? Is it because it's been hundreds of years? What is _wrong_ with you two?"

"Fucking vampires." a soft voice said from behind her.

She turned, to find horns with pale green eyes peeking just over the pew at her.

"Per!" she clapped delightedly. Basil & Mary both sighed.

He seemed to be thinking...

He moved quickly, & ended up licking Basil instead of Dix.

"Aww, man-"

"Heeheehee."

Dix giggled a bit, herself; then, black light hit her.

He was perfect.

"Would you be interested in sitting for one of the sisters' projects?"

Dew looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"I don't know about- what was it?"

"Dick cozies." Mary supplied, helpfully.

"Meeper keepers." Dix added another.

"Meep, meep, meep, meep..." Basil was doing his Swedish Chef voice.

"No, Beaker was the meeper-"

"Uhhh-" Dew worried about his nasty cred, "It's just awfully... cold in here."

It was true enough. Imperator still kept the place as cold as a tomb. They sat companionably, pondering.

"You know what would be fun? I could dress up as Santa Claus-" Basil squeezed her sweatpant-clad thigh.

"Careful."

Mary somehow crept closer. She stared up at the altar forlornly. The crucifix was long since gone, leaving only a negative silhouette.

"Swiss!" Dew exclaimed. "If anybody could pull it off, that dude-"

"I'd like to come on down your chimney-" Basil was now molesting her leg, "I beg your pardon, little ghoul? I could, how do you say? _More_ than pull it off-"

"Oh, please." Mary sneered. " _Mom won't let you_."

"Gah! Stop. All of you."

She was slightly peeved, & very turned on.

"I'll ask Swiss. I'll talk to Dawna & Katy."

They sat some more.

"You don't seem to be moving, pet." Basil observed.

"Oh, hush." she stood, retrieving her phone.

She had another idea.

"I'm going to the kitchen, & I'm going to make a pot of au jus grits... I _might_ have enough to share with one of you."

She just caught some of the muttering, in her wake.

"Grits?" Dew asked.

"Dix & her grits..." Mary shook his head.

"Have y'all _had_ this latest incarnation?" a pause, "God damn, they're good. With a big handful of sharp cheddar-"

She smiled, knowing he'd be the one to surely follow. She encountered Dawna on her way.

"Dix! Did our Cardinal tell you about the knitting group?"

"Oh, he told me something-"

She caught the subtext.

"Oh. Well. Umm-"

"I tried to press gang Dew into it, but, he suggested Swiss."

"Swiss?" Katy was nearby.

"Y'all know it's downright cold in here? This could be embarrassing."

The sisters wouldn't budge.

"It would be worth it."

Dix grinned.

"I have to make a call, & then, I've got a hot date with some grits."

She got a few paces away, before hearing,

" _Grits_?"

It was Katy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Year Zero thing" is the helicockter, & Basil *could* use a tassel for it. 
> 
> (I really do au jus grits, y'all.)


	3. Chapter 3

She punched in the number as she walked.

"Ah! Hell-o my Dixie doodle!"

"Dixie? You mean the bella Dix?"

She grinned again. Hiding in plain sight, these two. She wondered if Keebie was around...

"Terzo? How are you & Vicente doing?"

"Oh, you know- ugh. Too much pepper flake, brother. We keep on keeping on."

She heard grumbling.

"Too _soft_. Life, it needs the spice-"

"Tell my idiot other brother that I still don't appreciate his sick sense of humor."

 _The fuck chair_.

"He replaced your chaise-"

"Dix."

"It's _purple_. I think it had gold- Didn't it?"

"It's a coffin! It's a coffin couch!"

She couldn't stop smiling.

"Well, I liked it."

"Oh, I just bet you did."

"I do like the chaise better. We set it up by the fire-"

"I don't want to know. Why are you calling me?"

"Oh. I have a fun little diversion for you, if you're interested."

"Fun? What sort of fun?"

"Nude modeling, for a room full of sisters."

A pause.

"My _heart_. You really do love me."

She chuckled. There was a rumble in the background.

"Vicente wants to come, too. See what I did, there? Is this an art type thing?"

"More of a crafty thing."

"Oh, my word. Crafting can have more... _personal_ contact."

"You have no idea."

"My dear, I will be there. With bells on."

She hung up, pleased with herself.

A pale shadow clung to the wall.

It looked just like Mary.

It wasn't Mary.

"Bella Dix?" it asked, with raised eyebrows.

 _The Director_.

Her blood ran cold.

"Oh, really now." he smiled. "Have I ever been anything but... _kind_?"

She shuddered.

"A word." he commanded, motioning her closer. She shuffled forward reluctantly. He touched the side of her face, feather light.

"Stronger than all-" he murmured.

"No."

"Bound by blood, not alchemy."

He pinned her against the brick wall. He kissed her tentatively, before pushing his tongue past her lips. He'd bitten it, & bled into the kiss. He hooked a leg around his hip, & she was gone.

Killed by a kiss. She was beyond disappointed in herself.

"Don't be."

She surfaced to those same beautiful eyes, only matched. She would say, not cursed... but, _she had seen_.

Years upon years upon years. Ancient.

He was back to touching her face, chaste.

"Your man told Evangeline some things."

 _Oh, no_.

"The Clergy's also been keeping tabs on... his servant."

She cleared her throat. His blood still hummed through her veins.

"He's technically mine, now."

She didn't mean as a servant.

"I know." he eyed her. "You love him."

She closed her eyes.

"I do."

"But, not as you do the Plague Bringer."

She glared, the name making her mad.

"Settle down, little vampire."

They stared at each other for a bit. She wondered if Basil had gotten to the kitchen.

"He _is_ looking for you."

 _What the hell?_ Was he The Shadow, clouding minds? He would have had to pass by...

"Something like that." he confirmed. "Take your wayward fledgeling in hand, bella Dix. Next time, I won't be so easily distracted."

"What were you _supposed_ to do?" she asked, instantly regretting it.

He pushed himself from the wall.

"You're not in trouble." He touched her face. Again. Apparently, it was a thing, with him. "None of you are, but him. He's attracting unwanted attention. If he keeps it up, I'll have to do something, you understand?"

He kissed her again, but, it was just a kiss... A very nice, premium vanilla kiss.

And then, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought y'all might enjoy a Terzo sitting...
> 
> I borrowed "Vicente" from our Ghuleh_Elf, again.
> 
> *The Director* is exactly who you think he is. (Happy Xmas to me.)
> 
> And, y'all... THIS DOES NOT GET BETTER.
> 
> 😽


	4. Chapter 4

Basil stood before her. Alarmed. Concerned. He grabbed her, quickly.

"Dix- What's happened?"

She clutched his pellegrina gratefully.

" _The Director_."

He panicked just slightly, looking everywhere & nowhere.

"He's gone."

"What did- Oh, my poor darling. Your blood's positively humming."

She considered how to answer him.

He figured it out.

" _No_."

"He gave me some blood."

"He's never given any of us his blood... It was always the arcane compound, the elixir."

She had been the first, in this outfit. Basil had been desperate to get her away from the church, long enough for a blood exchange.

"I know."

He had wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders, & was muttering epithets in several languages. They made their way slowly to the kitchen.

"What in the hell did he want?"

"Mary."

He made sure she was securely seated on a little barstool.

"God damn it. He is my cross to bear, not yours."

"It was just a warning."

He gripped the back of her barstool.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"I'm sorry, Basil-"

He put his hands up, forestalling her.

"Tell me how to fix the grits. Give me something to do."

She smiled feebly.

"Go find the au jus mix."

He bustled over to the pantry, looking absurd in his ornate black cassock. His biretta was over to the side, & he'd brought her little stash of mistletoe.

"Should I get the grits?"

"Mmm-hmm."

She _really_ wished her insides would settle down.

There was a small commotion outside.

"Brother, you have to pay the drivers... We're not riding on the church's dime anymore, you know."

Basil was putting the mix on to boil.

The last Papa, the recently deposed Third, entered their presence dramatically. He had on his little casual suit, his foxy grandma rhinestone glasses, & the purple-est Santa hat that she had ever seen.

His elder brother followed, also casual, with his Ray-Ban aviators. He wore an emerald green hat, & no skull-paint.

Vicente carried two festively wrapped packages.

"Season's greetings, Dix! My most favorite Dix of all-"

"Merry fuckin' Christmas." Basil grumbled, starting to spoon grits into the pot.

Terzo took off his glasses.

"What's wrong with her, other brother?"

Basil rolled his eyes, with a huff.

"It is a very long-"

"Story?" he looked at her like they were in an old movie, & she had been drugged. "Bullshit."

"It's fine, Terzo. I'm fine." she said, rather unconvincingly.

"Leave it, brother." Vicente placed the packages before her. "Whatever it is, it is not something he did."

Basil gave a little nod, surprised.

"Why do these have my name on them?"

"Because they are for you, my dear... Well, you & the ghouls. You, the seesters, & the ghouls-"

"I'm confused. And, you didn't _have_ to-"

"Sì. You did not." Basil was peeved over any number of things.

"Ah. Well, I was _invited_ here, you see. To sit, for our lovely seesters."

Basil glared at her, before going to the fridge to rummage for cheese.

"Sì. And we, even in our exile, heard of your previous exploits, _ratto_." Vicente sneered a bit.

It was unfortunate timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The disco pimps arrive.
> 
> *Could* the Cardinal cook a grit? These are the important questions.


	5. Chapter 5

"Baby-" she made an odd little hand gesture.

Basil had a veritable laundry list of weird hang-ups, but Dix... Dix had one that drove people _crazy_.

She absolutely, positively would _not_ tear into gift wrap. She would cut through tape, with surgical precision, & save the stuff for later. It had always been so, ever since there was gift wrap.

(Basil thought it was adorable, & fully supported this small descent into madness.)

He poked around in his sash for a pen knife, before going to test a grit.

"Done?" she asked, starting her delicate operation.

Terzo & Vicente watched in horror.

Basil pondered, nibbling just the tiniest bit.

"Still crunchy." he sighed, adding some water.

"Sweet Lord down below." Terzo groaned. "Still weird. _Both_ of you."

Dix grinned, finally down to the first box. It had had a big, outlandish bow, that just so happened to be red. Bright, bloody red. As Basil approached, she tapped it to his groin area.

"Ooh, very nice." he approved, with a little wiggle.

"Weird!" both Emeritus brothers lamented, in unison.

"Oh, hush you two." she scolded, opening her box.

It contained some of the most opulent underwear she had ever seen.

In purple & gold; green & silver.

She raised her eyebrows.

"Two sets, you see." Terzo informed her. "We were going to mix pieces, but-"

"You ended up with Mardi Gras, doing that." she fingered some exquisite lace. "Oh, but, boys... This is too much."

Terzo's ears went bright red. Vicente... well. Again, who ever _really_ knew, with Vicente?

What was sad, was she knew that these things would fit, perfectly. Terzo had a gift for intuitively _knowing_ the sizing for underwear. _Any_ underwear. Women's. Men's. Vintage. Modern.

"I think you should keep it." came the little rasp in her ear. She wondered if his bow was sticking out.

"Not yet."

She started working on the second box, & he trotted over to test another grit. Apparently satisfied, he put a lid on & turned the heat down.

The second box was full of cock socks. All different colors.

"Red!" Basil plucked one from the top. "Goody."

"Did I?" she looked at Terzo.

"Did you?" he looked to his brother, who looked about as excited as a refried bean. "No, Dix. I called, to get more information. You might need to check on your friend, Dawna. I think she might have had some kind of attack."

"Well, there goes my big surprise." she grumbled. If she hadn't been on the phone, perhaps she wouldn't have been waylaid by-

She felt arms go around her waist, & a chin rested on her shoulder.

"He still would have found you."

Vicente's eyes narrowed, behind his glasses. He didn't _like_ not being on top of things-

In more ways than one.

"I brought the tinker toys, bella Dix. I figured it would save everyone some time & effort." he informed her. He came over, & pressed a kiss on her cheek.

Not to be outdone, Basil kissed her other cheek.

"Whoo, caught between moustaches." she giggled. "I _love_ it... But, why the fancy underwear, boys? I'm still lost on that one."

"So, if you want to pose for the ghouls, of course." Terzo said, as if telling her the time of day.

"Do what, now?"

"This one paraded around _naked_." Vicente said, like it was the most revolting thing imaginable.

"It seemed only fair, if you ever wanted to show off your pretty paleness-"

" _No_." Basil hissed.

 _No_ was turning into the theme of the evening.

"This is some of the most beautiful underwear I've ever seen, but, they're thongs..."

"So?"

"So, my ass would be out."

"So?"

"And, the bras are going to squeeze my tits up & out-"

"So?"

"So, it would look like I have twice as much."

"Please, stop." a ragged little whisper implored her. "I just want to eat, then go hide in our pillow fort."

She reached to pat the side of his face.

"Well, you have the option now, love." Terzo grinned.

She could have sworn she heard a little _ping_.

"No, she does not, you insufferable little bastard. She is mine. She belongs to me. If just one more sorry asshole tries to prove something, tonight-"

"You'll do _what_ , rat? Make a bunch of empty threats?"

"Okay, _enough_. Thank you for the underwear. Go find Dawna & Katy, & have them get the sisters together. Give the ghouls the meeper keepers, & whatever other dude might want one..."

Hopefully, not Nihil. Imperator would kill them all.

"...May God have mercy on your souls."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the underwear, y'all.
> 
> And, the gift wrap thing is an actual thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Terzo & Vicente both gave her respectable little kisses. She waited for them to leave, before squeaking,

"God _damn_ it, Basil- My waist!"

"Oh! Oh, shit... Sorry, sorry."

She wheezed for a good minute. He'd turned into a human corset.

"Oh, oh no-" he gently touched a side of her rib cage.

She winced.

"Just- Let's just eat."

He pulled up another stool, next to her. It was always fun to watch him maneuver in his vestments.

Then, he was a study in abject misery.

"Why the big, sad eyes, Basil?" she asked, enjoying her grits. They had turned out rather well.

He thought for a moment.

"I am sorry I- squeezed you."

 _Fibber_. That wasn't the problem.

"It's okay."

(Her ribs said otherwise, but... _eh_.)

He'd been at odd ends, ever since her encounter, earlier.

"It's just-" she set her spoon down, turning to look at him. "I'm so old, Dix... & yet, I don't have that much. I never asked for much."

She knew where this was going.

"Stop right there. Don't make this a _don't touch my stuff_ thing."

He wasn't listening.

"I shouldn't have said you belong-"

"Sweet fancy Lucifer, Basil. You know I don't mind _that_..."

(Truth be told, she rather liked it.)

"...I know you're upset over The Director, & I don't know what to tell you. I have no _idea_ what possessed him. And, I don't know what on earth to do about Mary."

He frowned.

"Be a good boy, & finish your grits."

"They're cold."

She got up to scrape down their bowls, & put them in soak in the sink. He captured her, before she could sit back down. He held her carefully around the waist.

"I'll have to talk to him." he murmured, rubbing her back.

"You already have." she kissed him softly. "I already have."

"Hm. So, you found my cooking acceptable?"

She laughed, not expecting _that_ question.

"Quite. You know, I wish it was... later."

"Later? Oh! No creatures stirring, you mean?"

"Right. No sisters, or ghouls-"

"Just a horny old rat."

He kissed her some more, still cautious of her waist.

"Shall we go see what's become of the great meeper keeper symposium?"

"Ugh. _Meeper_."

"What's wrong with meeper?"

"It's just-"

"Peen is better?"

"Marginally."

"Phooey. _I_ like it." she fingered his big red bow, that had somehow managed to stay in place. "I can't just lark about saying _penis_ all the time, now, can I?"

His eyes went wide, & she started to nibble his earlobe. She slid her hand to squeeze his thigh.

"Do you want to leave this kitchen... _ever_?"

"Oh, I don't know-"

"Please to be- Ohh, my. While you play in earthly delight, someone's flesh is rising tonight..."

"Okay, I'll stop."

She kept stroking his leg.

"Dix."

"Mmm?"

"Bad touch, Dix."

She squeezed _both_ thighs, before leaning in to kiss him _most_ inappropriately.

"We might as well go see what you've done."

"Aww..."

"I'll bet you dollars to donuts that the halls are alive with naked ghouls."

"Surely not."

" _Don't_ call me Shirley."

Sure enough, Aether, Dew, & Swiss were all nude, save for their masks. Aether had the good sense to still be wearing some fuzzy socks. Swiss had a big, bushy strand of silver tinsel, wrapped around his neck like a scarf. They all had different colored cock socks, which were _not_ staying in place.

"I will never be able to un-see this." Basil muttered.

 _He hadn't noticed Terzo, yet_.

Dix stared. She always thought that no, he couldn't _possibly_ outdo whatever ludicrous thing he had done last...

He was wearing white underwear. Pure as the driven snow; highlighted with antique gold, here & there.

It was women's underwear.

Women's lace underwear.

It fit him like a dream.

(His cock possibly falling through a leg hole notwithstanding.)

"Dix!" he grinned, absurdly pleased with himself.

He was wearing a bridal veil.

"Yes!" he caught where she was looking. "I'm like the virgin, you see-"

"I hope you're happy." she vaguely heard, next to her.

Terzo did a little twirl... &... the underwear...

Was up his lush ass.

"You know? I think I am."

Basil eyed her.

He plucked off his bow, (which was _still_ in place,) & pressed it between her legs. He lingered & touched her over her sweats, backing her against his growing erection.

"Let me _have_ you." he breathed, right there in the middle of everything.

"Yesss..." she turned to whisper, pressing a kiss close to a sideburn.

_She'd surprised him_. But, she'd been on fire all night.

His perfect, pale hands shook before going under the hem of her t-shirt. His gloves had long since been left back in the kitchen.

His fingertips had only just dipped into the waistband of her panties, when-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy *that* mental image, Dawna... And, anybody else. Bunch of Terzo heathens. 🐍
> 
> The meeper conversation is literally something I made up in drafting. 🍆
> 
> As is the ending, there... Will they put on an obscene spectacle in the middle of the "party"?
> 
> We'll see. 😼


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case y'all hadn't gathered...
> 
> Dix was suffering from sensory overload. Between her encounter with The Director, nekkid ghouls, P3 in panties, & Basil's general shenanigans...
> 
> She's primed & ready for him to take advantage of the situation.

_"Dix!"_

They were surrounded by nude ghouls.

" _Don't stop._ " she pleaded.

He slid his hands back, to grip her hips. She rubbed against him, beyond frustrated.

"My God, what's gotten into you?" he whispered.

 _She needed to get ahold of herself_.

"Not what I'd _like_."

"I knew it was too cold." Dew was especially upset. He was holding his little sock in place.

"Aww, poor ghouls. Maybe the sisters have some ribbon? Or, maybe they could make a strap... like, on your masks?"

"Maybe some double-stick tape." Basil muttered.

His fingers twitched, he _so_ wanted to act on impulse.

"Oh, hush. Jealous. I still have to see if I can find you a tassel."

"Get yourself a couple, too." he growled, squeezing her ass & nearly ruining her resolve.

Mary was still there, & drifted about aimlessly.

"Mary." she grabbed him, on her way to the sisters. "We're going to have to talk, soon."

He stiffened, ready to go all bratty & defiant on her, when Vicente came to her side.

"Ah, bella Dix." he kissed her hand. "Your gathering is a disaster."

"It wasn't really supposed to be a gathering... I don't know _how_ this all happened."

He was watching her carefully from behind his glasses.

"Well, you have made my brother very happy, at least." he turned a withering glare on Mary. "Can you not tell something has changed, young blood? Can you not sense it? Or, are you just stupid?"

_"Hey-"_

Basil came to stand at her other side, subtly assessing what Vicente was up to.

"You didn't get far." he said, softly.

"You might have been blood, but... that was ruined, long ago." Vicente continued. "You should mind your master. Whatever idiot feelings of resentment you've allowed to fester, you would have long since _died_ without him."

Mary's mouth was setting into a dangerous line.

"Now, you seem determined to make his help-mate's life a misery-"

"She wasn't always _his_." Mary retorted.

There was an awkward pause.

"Mary Jane Goore, the moment he knocked me out of that damnable pillory, I was his. I don't know _why_ you can't wrap your head around this."

She felt like a scolding nun.

"He doesn't want to."

"Vicente, what-" she pondered how to ask, "What exactly _are_ you?"

He smiled, which was somehow even more disturbing than Basil's half-dead expressions.

"I'm something else, my love... But, you've had both me, & my brother-"

"What?! Ew. Dix, you've turned into some kind of wh-"

Basil was on him, hands around his neck.

" _You little bastard!_ Tonight, I will _end_ y-"

"Brother." Vicente stopped him, with sheer surprise. "Let's see... Ah. And now, you've tasted the epitome of darkness."

Mary's eyes went wide. Basil leaned back against her shoulder. She reached to gently stroke his chestnut hair.

"It wasn't on purpose."

Vicente smiled again.

"That may be, little one... but now, you are something else, yourself." he turned his glare back on Mary. "Our Director has spoken, I suggest you start behaving your goddamn self. You are nosferatu, a gift I would dearly love to add to my skill set."

Well, that was interesting.

Basil stood a little taller; ancient & thoroughly undead.

"And, if you even so much as look sideways at my beloved elf on this ridiculous _date_ that you've come up with- I will fucking _destroy yo_ u."

Mary blinked.

Vicente did a little turn, gave a nod to Basil, clicked his Gucci shoes, & kissed Dix's hand yet again. He held it for a moment between his soft leather gloves, then left.

"That was nice of him."

" _Demon_ vampire." she tugged at his shoulder cape.

"Could be interesting."

"Basil-?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I want to go home."

He chuckled, hoisting her up in his arms to carry her, bridegroom style, through the halls.

Mary stood stricken for the longest time.

The all nude ghoul review decided, in a moment of vast stupidity, to streak outside the church.

A slight, pale young man watched from across the street. He pulled his leather jacket a bit closer, & kind of wished his long black scarf covered his very red ears.

He'd been thinking about Dix, & wondering how long it would take her to fully remember...

She'd been terribly worried about her rat-man. He'd made her forget. He hadn't been lying about her strength, however.

It was only a matter of time.

He raised his hand, in something like a Jedi move, & the doors to the sanctuary locked securely.

The ghouls howled, freezing, losing their little socks completely.

He laughed quietly as he walked away. Just what was he? The ghost of Christmas present? The future?

Don't fear the reaper.

_~Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I already had my ending with Vicente. I had to dial back the "sex right in the middle of everything".
> 
> So, this is it.
> 
> Dawna gets credit for coming up with "meeper". Also for the panty-wearing tart that inspired Terzo.
> 
> Katy told me about the peter heaters back during the summer. Then, she resurrected the idea recently.
> 
> Keebie got a couple of mentions, with some chat snippets of ideas.
> 
> If you haven't told me what you think, please do so. If you have, tell me more.
> 
> Happy 2020!  
> 😽

**Author's Note:**

> This thing is out of control.  
> It shall be posted in bits.
> 
> Imperator got a name.


End file.
